'Working' - 'Mom'

So it came, the end of my maternity leave, faster than I expected of course. I returned to work yesterday and amazingly enough both my kids and I survived the day, not without tears (on both our parts - but I'll get to that). I have already told these stories to several people this week but there is something cathartic about writing it down and putting it out there.

Sad Story #1
Yesterday, my first day back, I was on a conference call and Haylie began knocking at my door. I couldn't answer it because I was in the middle of a conversation with two people and couldn't just stop them to have a chat with her. After a bit of knocking I heard Haylie's nanny come and try to convince her to go play outside. Although Haylie loves to play outside she just kept saying, "No, I need Mommy." It really broke my heart because I needed her too and I hated not being able be there for her right in that moment.

Sad Story #2
While I was on maternity leave our nanny was coming two days a week and I think Haylie was starting to get used to that schedule because yesterday after nanny came and it was time for bed Haylie said, "After you wake up, Mommy and Haylie go see Eli." Unfortunately I had to tell her no, "after you wake up you can play with nanny." But Mommy really wanted to take Haylie and go play with Eli.

So now that I have tears in my eyes again, I am reminded of a book I have just started. Micah just finished reading it and highly recommended it - so far it is very inspiring. The book is Max Lucado, Cure for the Common Life (Living in Your Sweet Spot). Right at the beginning it quotes 1 Cor. 12:7 (MSG) "Each person is given something to do that shows who God is." Then it goes on to say, "God gave you...A zone, a region, a life precinct in which you were made to dwell... And life makes sweet sense when you find your spot." He continues, "Our Maker gives assignments to people, 'to each according to one's unique ability' (Matt 25:15). As He calls, He equips... Stand at the intersection of your affections and successes and find your uniqueness."

This is a topic I have been thinking (and reading) about A LOT over the last year. Although I'm not saying that staying home with the kids is truly that sweet spot God has laid out for me, I know He has given me a new passion for the time spent with them. In my exploration I have been learning so much about my "uniqueness" and God's purpose for my life. Over the last 3 months I have truly enjoyed the time spent with my kids, but that said, I am good at my job and God definitely gave me strong skills in the areas of business, leadership and communication. My goal now as I struggle to figure out how to be a 'Working' 'Mom' is "Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants." (Eph 5:17) "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that." (Gal 6:4 MSG) OK, sorry for my ranting (and absence of cute pictures in this post); it has been a difficult couple days, but God is good and I am growing in my faith as I search for my sweet spot!